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i can't write poetry anymore because my heart doesn't allow it. it's been locked behind a plastic wall and you must unlock me to get through. there are chains wrapped around my entire being and i cannot struggle through anymore. i am sick. sick entirely of this whole exchange and what i fear to do when i'm presented in front of you. i feel naked and shattered if i were to lay out these words in front of you and call it a piece. you'd think i was insane!

words cannot mean much more to you than it does for me. i hope you break when you read but at last, you are not the one for me. and neither is he.

i woke up and thought about him in my cold bed. warm only if i didnt move. i went to breakfast and i thought of running into him. i played with my food and looked up at every person i saw go past. i walked across the bridge and i thought of not seeing him yesterday. you really occupy my mind.
i think of your shy smile and i break. not out of sadness but disgust for myself. my aching comes from my own thoughts. i bet my friends are tired of hearing your name in passing. it's horrendous and i know. i've started to lose my mind a bit too. i have an inkling you read every poem, which is insane, you probably don't go on a website like this (makes me kinda grateful too). i think of your disgusted face when i write and i feel shameful about this yearning i've done.

reality is not as sweet as my dreams where you come close to me and do more than smile as a passing greeting. maybe it's me, maybe it's you (i think it's more me).
i don't think i'm meant to have this crush. i should do more than stare and sit next to you to think i'm scoring a goal.
in another life, it wouldve been ok. to do all of this and you'd catch on. but this reality and the others are not the same. you've made me into a fucking sentimental poet. i'm here writing about you in the early hours of the morning. i thought i'd run into you but i can't seem to break your barrier that flows past everyone.
"dude it's so simple" our shared friends would think so. i'm shying away from that possibility. could we be them and be strangers at the start but continue into a relationship? probably not. you probably think of me as a girl. it's a little distracting, to be honest. i should've held onto that early feeling, where i knew i wouldn't fit into your friend group and share a laugh. i think this is pity speaking. you wouldn't invite me out like the others.

or we could all amount it down to "i haven't had my coffee so forgive me if i'm snappy" but you don't drink coffee. you drink a jasmine iced milk tea.

i think you should be the one to save me. And you wouldn’t refer to me as someone in passing. someone you walk by and forget to look up because you simply don’t recognize their silhouette.
isn’t it funny how life seems to keep turning and i am in this standstill waiting for an eye to turn towards me. i will watch you go and up the stairs you walk.
a beat of silence.
am i too boring? i’m too normal (formal) in your eyes but i dont stand out enough to entice anyone. i think you only stay by me out of pity. you want to walk but you've read me and stay. i think i’d prefer that.
i quite enjoy your company. if you’d like to pour boiling water over my head and crack open this facade, id be happy to take you along. maybe i’m just what you fancy anyway