the ocean washed over your grave
Jul. 23rd, 2024 01:46 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wmggwsometimes i feel like i’ve lived a man’s life (double innuendo). im miserable tonight so let me have my peace.
i dont feel comfortable being a woman. but it also doesnt feel right being a man. although i think (if im being honest with the crowd) that the negative perception of the public to me being a trans man would be unbearable, making me uncomfortable and want to go back to the life im so used to abiding by. i ache for the love that happens in these stories that feature gay men. from what ive seen, they know theyre different and in these stories where they love another man, they understand their alienation. for someone like me who has stuck close by the crowd and not wanted to depart from the norm, its hard to take a step out and see that maybe the place im so stagnant in is slowly killing me and trying to push me out of the circle to save me but im constantly taking steps back to prevent that. my indecisiveness will kill me and im going to end up as that girl in i saw the tv glow where shes just an old person at a shitty job and is slowly dying.
oh god, i feel less like a human and not a human at all. it sometimes feel like im somebody watching someone control my body and it makes me feel sick the way i act sometimes.
i dont feel comfortable being a woman. but it also doesnt feel right being a man. although i think (if im being honest with the crowd) that the negative perception of the public to me being a trans man would be unbearable, making me uncomfortable and want to go back to the life im so used to abiding by. i ache for the love that happens in these stories that feature gay men. from what ive seen, they know theyre different and in these stories where they love another man, they understand their alienation. for someone like me who has stuck close by the crowd and not wanted to depart from the norm, its hard to take a step out and see that maybe the place im so stagnant in is slowly killing me and trying to push me out of the circle to save me but im constantly taking steps back to prevent that. my indecisiveness will kill me and im going to end up as that girl in i saw the tv glow where shes just an old person at a shitty job and is slowly dying.
oh god, i feel less like a human and not a human at all. it sometimes feel like im somebody watching someone control my body and it makes me feel sick the way i act sometimes.
