i am suffocating. this is my last post about you

i woke up and thought about him in my cold bed. warm only if i didnt move. i went to breakfast and i thought of running into him. i played with my food and looked up at every person i saw go past. i walked across the bridge and i thought of not seeing him yesterday. you really occupy my mind.
i think of your shy smile and i break. not out of sadness but disgust for myself. my aching comes from my own thoughts. i bet my friends are tired of hearing your name in passing. it's horrendous and i know. i've started to lose my mind a bit too. i have an inkling you read every poem, which is insane, you probably don't go on a website like this (makes me kinda grateful too). i think of your disgusted face when i write and i feel shameful about this yearning i've done.